I need someone to explain ... like really break it down for me. I would get high numbers for "Hardness" but low numbers for "Longevity".
Longevity and Hardness are usually wrongly correlated, they each correlate with the fatty acid profile of a soap (if you are making a very basic soap of oils and lye and water), but they start to differ the moment you start adding other additives from EOs to FOs to clays and powders so on and so forth.
In summary, the hardness correlates to the amount of Lauric Acid, Myristic Acid, Palmitic Acid, Stearic Acid and other saturated fatty acids.
Longevity on the other hand correlates with Palmitic Acid, Stearic Acid and other saturated fatty acids that have a higher carbon number.
If you want to experience first hand the difference between longevity and hardness, make a soap of pure coconut oil , and a soap of pure palm oil or if available palm stearin. you should notice after a decent curing time that both soaps are rock hard, but when used the coconut soap will wear faster while the palm soap will last at least twice as long. Of course other parameters will be different such as foam, harshness, cleansing. But you will get the general idea.
While most calculators are more or less the same when they calculate hardness and longevity. All of the calculators do not take into account the effect of the additives. So for more complex soaps you should rely on your experience in order to estimate those parameters.